Up In Smoke
by pride97
Summary: "What the hell is going on Rachel? You're supposed to be dead!"
1. Chapter 1

Up in Smoke Chapter 1

Disclaimer: yeah I own nothing. If I did Rachel would have never been killed off.

AN: The show was never very specific on a timeline. We can get a general idea that the Nathan James left in the spring (based on the flashback of Tom getting the phone call), we can guess they left in around April. We know they were at emcom for 4 months, there was a 154 day separation between season 2 and 3 and 16-18 months between season 3 and 4 (some websites are saying 16 and some 18, for the purpose of this story I'm going with 18), therefore I'm taking some liberties on actual months. I'll put my "timeline" in the bottom AN just for clarification. Please don't forget to review.

* * *

 _It's just a drop in the ocean_

 _A change in the weather_

 _I was praying that you and me might end up together_

 _Its like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert_

 _But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven_

-Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope

* * *

 **January 2015**

Rachel felt the bullet tear into her body. She heard the scream rip from her lips and collapsed on the floor.

Her brain was racing.

 _I don't want to die._

Could she move? Could she make it to Tom?

 _I don't want to die._

Was she still screaming?

 _I don't want to die._

She heard a commotion around her. She opened her eyes.

Tom.

Tom was there.

"Rachel…Jesus Christ…Rachel hold on."

"Tom" she whispered. "I don't want to die."

"Shh don't talk. I've got you."

"Please don't let me die."

"You're not going to die Rachel. I've got you. You hold on."

"Please don't let me die." she muttered before darkness consumed her.

* * *

 **July 2015**

Captain Mike Slattery had a hell of a day. After Tom resigned his commission and walked away, he was promoted to Captain and given the Nathan James. The crew and ship were back in Norfolk in dry dock. There was a lot that needed to be done on the ship before she could head out again, and she would it was just a matter of when.

He was thrilled to be home, while he wished it was with Christine and his children, he wasn't going to dwell. He quickly changed into civilian clothes and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He was heading back to the living room to watch some TV when the doorbell rang. He was surprised as he didn't get many visitors.

He went over and opened the door and received the shock of his life.

"Hi Mike."

"Rachel?"

"Can I come in?"

Mike couldn't speak, all he could do is nod and open the door wider. Rachel walked in and paused in the entryway allowing Mike to turn and re-lock the door. He gestured towards the living room and Rachel followed him there.

He turned to face her, confusion and anger etched into his face.

"What the hell is going on Rachel? You're supposed to be dead!"

"I know Mike...I'm trying to find Tom. Do you know where he is?"

"Like hell Rachel. Tell me what is going on!" Mike replied angrily.

Rachel sighed, "I woke up in the hospital with armed security around me. They immediately notified Jeff, who came rushing to the hospital with the director of the FBI. They told me that I was dead and I would be relocated, given and new identify and be under the protection of the FBI until they deemed it was safe. You now me...I was absolutely livid...but I lost the argument and off into the protection of the FBI I went."

"That's it?"

"The abbreviated version, yes." Rachel responded. "Where's Tom, Mike."

Mike sighed and sat down on the couch.

"He left the navy Rachel, resigned his commission and walked away."

Rachel gasped and immediately sat down in a chair opposite of Mike.

"What? Why?" she whispered.

"It became too much for him." Mike paused before continuing, "I'm sure you heard about the virus mutating and Jeffrey's death." Rachel nodded and he continued, "Jeffrey's death wasn't suicide, it was murder. He was killed by Allison, someone he worked with and trusted. Allison, while obviously not behind the virus mutating, was the mastermind behind the hell the Nathan James, we, went through in Asia. Allison kidnapped Ashley and Sam and killed Jed. Tex ended up dying as well Rachel."

Rachel covered her mouth, "oh god."

"He killed Allison...afterwards he understood how you felt when you killed Sorenson. He blamed himself for Darien's death, for Tex's and his dad's and while he never admitted it to me, your's too."

"Jeffrey promised me that he would tell Tom." Rachel stated.

"Well, obviously that didn't happen." Mike retorted.

"What do you want from me Mike? What?" Rachel yelled, "Do you want me to say I'm sorry...I'm sorry...God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't fight harder against the FBI and the bloody president!"

"I'm not mad at you Rachel...I'm mad at the situation." Mike yelled back, "I'm mad because I saw my friend fall apart after you died and he wouldn't talk to me! I saw my friend walk away because he has lost so much and he is terrified of losing even more!"

"What do I do Mike?" Rachel whispered.

Mike sighed and got up and moved closer to Rachel. He took one of her hands and squeezed it, "I don't know Rachel. I know you want to see him...but I honestly don't know where he is. He grabbed Ashley and Sam and took off."

"I...I.." Rachel began to cry, "I don't want him to go on thinking that I'm still dead...I…"

Mike felt horrible. He saw the relationship change between Tom and Rachel. They started off with icy indifference and then hostility when he discovered that she had been lying to them for four months. It then moved into a tentative friendship to Tom willing to do anything to protect her. He suspected the two had feelings for each other, but had been unwilling (on Tom's part) and scared (on Rachel's) to act upon them. His thoughts on the matter were further cemented when Tom admitted that Sasha had kissed him and he had felt nothing. He knew that they had had a previous relationship, so at one point he did have feelings for her.

"Rachel I wish I could tell you how to find him, I really do...as for what you should do...do what you do best, save the world because I'm sure it will continue to need being saved."

* * *

AN: This chapter was a bit hard to write. I wanted to convey Mike's conflicted emotions, but I also wanted to save some thoughts and feelings of Rachel and Tom for their eventual reunion.

Author's Notes

 **Timeline**

 **April 2014-** The Nathan James leaves Norfolk (based on the flashback when Tom is told they are leaving, it looks to be spring timeframe).

 **August 2014** \- After 4 months at Emcom, learning about the virus

 **October 2014** \- Based on the flashback in episode 7 which says "6 months ago". Logically makes sense due to how long it would take the ship to get from the Arctic to Cuba (12-24 days based on speed) and then to South America (1-3 days), also taking into account how that the ship would have been in Cuba and South America for a time period.

 **November 2014** \- It would take the ship between 7-15 days to get to Baltimore. Season 1 ends and season 2 picks up immediately at this point.

 **November 2014-January 2015-** season 2, based on where the ship went and what they did and the definite delays and what not, it was probably a least 2 months doing all they did.

 **January 2015** \- Rachel shot

 **June 2015** \- season 3 begins, episode one states that it has been 154 days since the inauguration.

 **June 2015-July 2015-** season 3, another guestimation based on where the Nathan James went (Asia) and that they were held captive and everything that happened in the season. From what I've read, I can't figure out if a new "cure" was developed for the mutation.

 **July 2015-** Tom resigns his commission

 **January 2017-** 16 months later (some sites say 16, some say 18, for purpose of this fiction, it will be 16 months). We know from episode 1 that Tom has had no contact with anyone for 16 (18) months.

 **January 2017-March 2017** \- season 4. Tom reaffirms his oath to the Navy. Again another guestimation on how long they were "doing their thing" to defeat Velleck and get the seeds back to the US.

 **March 2017-** season 5 "starts". Tom is now an Admiral (along with Mike) and that there will be a cyber attack possibly facilitated by a group known as El Norte for some unknown reason.


	2. Chapter 2

**Up in Smoke Chapter 2**

Disclaimer: yeah still own nothing.

AN: So I'm one of those writers who has a soundtrack on repeat to get the creative juices going. I'll make a list of the songs at the end of this chapter. Most of the songs have Tom/Rachel videos on youtube made to the them. A few of the videos have Tex saying something and I'm not sure if it's to Rachel, but I'm guessing it probably is no one else would need to talk to the captain about "unresolved stuff".

Don't forget to review!

* * *

 _Should've held my ground_

 _I could've been redeemed_

 _For every second chance_

 _That changed its mind on me,_

 _I should've spoken up_

 _I should've proudly claimed_

 _That oh my head's to blame_

 _For all my hearts mistakes_

-The Mess I Made by Parachute

* * *

 **January 2017**

Rachel sat in her lab on the Nathan James with Dr. James Williams, a botanist from Yale. They were currently breaking down the viral DNA for the red rust.

Coming back into the "real world" had been hard. While the FBI felt that she was no longer in "immediate" danger (their words) she would have a security detail for a minimum of six months. While immediate colleagues learned of her faked death, word didn't spread like wildfire. The internet wasn't as "powerful" when it came to gossip as it had prior to the red flu. While social media like Facebook and Twitter were still around, there was a decline in usership. Most wanted to spend their time enjoying their new lease on life instead of worrying about social media. Media outlets did "pick up" the news that she was alive, but only reported it for a couple of days before moving on to more "worthwhile" news.

Rachel had done as Mike suggested and "did what she did best", save the world. When crops began to be affected by the virus she immediately began to collect samples so she could track the virus. While she wasn't a botanist, she knew viruses. Due to the concern, the FBI decided to increase her security detail, which she hated but even Mike had agreed that she should just comply.

While she and Mike had a tentative friendship when she was on the James all those years ago, they had a very strong friendship now. She challenged him to mend fences with Christine. While they no longer may be married, they have children together and needed to effectively co-parent in this ever changing world. She even encouraged him to start a relationship with Sasha. At first he had argued against it due to the fraternization rules. Her argument in return was that they weren't on a ship right now and to hell with the rules. He laughed and after weeks of prodding he finally asked Sasha out for dinner. Sasha was shocked, to say the least, when Mike asked her out but agreed. She was even more shocked when she realized how much the two of them had in common.

When Mike admitted to Sasha, about three months into their "official" relationship, that Rachel was the instigator, Sasha was even more surprised. She had assumed that Rachel didn't like her due to Tom. Mike told Sasha that was the farthest thing from the truth and yes, Rachel comes off as a passionate and abrasive, but she has a big heart.

Sasha invited Rachel to lunch. She thanked her for being a friend to Mike and encouraging Mike to ask her out and a bond formed between the two women. Rachel considered Sasha to be her best friend, in vice versa. She and Sasha would often get together for lunch, dinner or a movie. Rachel didn't have to many close girlfriends growing up and then became devoted to her work. Sasha made sure that Rachel took care of herself and that she had a balance in her life.

Rachel was grateful to have a friend like Sasha. It took her some time, but she slowly began opening up telling Sasha about her childhood, going into medicine and Michael. At times she spoke about her time on the Nathan James prior to the shooting and her time in protective custody. Sasha had the patience of a saint as whenever Tom was brought up Rachel tended to shut down and change the subject. Sasha never pushed, knowing that Rachel would open up in her own time.

When the Nathan James was given orders to Spain to locate seeds that were immune to the red rest, Rachel went to Mike and insisted that she be allowed to go. She had an entire argument prepared to give Mike on why she should be going with them, but in the end she didn't have to use it. Mike immediately agreed with her. Convincing the FBI, the Navy and the president were another issue entirely. They felt that she would better help the "cause" remaining stateside as the FBI felt they "couldn't protect her" on a navy ship. To which Mike countered that she would be safer on this "navy ship" than in Norfolk as the crew of the Nathan James was a family and Rachel was a part of this family and they would do anything to protect her. In the end the President conceded and Rachel was allowed to go with them.

After fourteen days at sea, the Nathan James had arrived at Naval Station Rota three weeks ago. The crew had spent the last three weeks doing maintenance, monitoring chatter to find the seeds and running op's.

Rachel was broken out of her thoughts when the door opened and Mike strolled in.

"Rachel, James."

James looked up from his computer and jumped up. The poor man was young and inexperienced. He was terrified of Mike. Rachel inwardly chortled.

"Captain."

"Mike. What brings you down here?" Rachel asked.

"We think we found the seeds. Sasha, Green and his team are heading out to see if our leads were correct."

"Well, we'll be ready if and when they return and hopefully with the seeds." Rachel replied.

"I know you will be. I just wanted to give you a heads up."

"Thanks Mike." Rachel said and Mike left.

James sat down, letting out the breath that he had probably been holding the entire time.

Rachel looked over to him and laughed, "James you have got to relax."

"That's easy for you to say...you know the crew...you've worked with them...lived with them before."

"First off, half the crew is new and second the other half is still working through their anger over my not being dead." Rachel retorted.

"They know it wasn't your fault." James said.

"It doesn't matter that it wasn't my fault...I lied to them for four months the first time. Then I "lied" to them for nine months with my non-death. Having them trust me again...it's a lot to ask of people."

James turned to Rachel, "Rachel...as you stay holed up in the lab or are only with the captain and Sasha...that isn't what they think and if you got out and spent time with them you would know this."

Rachel exhaled, "what do they think then James?"

"They don't feel betrayed by you...not in the least...they feel betrayed by President Michener for lying to them and the world. They feel bad for you...that you had to lie to everyone...that you had to pretend to be someone that you weren't. They don't blame you for anything. They know that you weren't given any choices in the matter. They also know that you fought to be back on the Nathan James, against what the President, FBI and Navy wanted." James paused before finishing, "Give them a chance Rachel, they could surprise you."

* * *

 _What's left to say?_

 _These prayers ain't working anymore_

 _Every word shot down in flames_

 _What's left to do with these broken pieces on the floor?_

 _I'm losing my voice calling on you_

 _'Cause I've been shaking_

 _I've been bending backwards till I'm broke_

 _Watching all these dreams go up in smoke_

-Ashes by Celine Dion

* * *

Kara had just finished her shift but instead of heading back to her's and Danny's quarters, she decided some fresh air would do her some good. She headed outside and found Rachel staring out into the ocean.

Kara will be the first to admit that she hasn't been the most receptive to Rachel. She knows that Rachel being placed into protective custody and everyone thinking she was dead wasn't her fault, but she was human and humans didn't always blame the right person. As she stood watching Rachel, she realized Rachel was crying. This hit Kara. Rachel was one of those women who rarely showed her emotions, let alone around anyone. It probably had to do with her upbringing, her being a doctor or hell even her being British. Kara suspected it was all of the above.

Deciding to bite the bullet, Kara approached Rachel.

"Rachel" she said tentatively

Rachel turned, surprised, and quickly wiped her face, "Kara, what are you doing out here?"

"Just finished my shift, wanted some fresh air." Kara paused before continuing, "Rachel I don't mean to pry, but is everything okay?"

"I'm fine."

"No offense… but "fine" people don't stand on the deck of a naval ship crying."

Rachel didn't respond, so Kara continued, "Rachel I know that things have been weird around here and I'm sorry that I have contributed to it."

"How so?"

"I took out my anger on you. It isn't your fault what President Michener did. You couldn't control that he made you go into protective custody and lie to all of us."

"I understand Kara."

"But it still doesn't make it right."

"Thank you Kara."

"So you wanna tell me what's wrong."

"I don't want to burden you Kara."

Kara was about to protest when a voice spoke up behind her, "Rachel...you don't have to be strong and hold it together one hundred percent of the time. We're here for you."

Sasha came over to the two women.

"Obviously something is bothering you Rachel, tell us." Sasha probbed.

Rachel sighed and turned her gaze back out to the ocean, "Do you think he's okay?" she whispered.

Sasha responded immediately with "Of course I think he's okay. This is Tom Chandler you're talking about."

"Definitely" Kara replied, "How many times did you stitch the captain up Rachel? More times than you can probably count. He's fine."

Rachel turned her head back to the two women, "It's been two years. He thinks I've been dead for two years now and...you would think after sixteen months we would have heard something...anything."

Sasha sighed. She had to agree with Rachel. It was hard to swallow that Tom had cut everyone, especially Mike, one of his closest friends for almost twenty years, out of his life.

"I'm scared" Rachel suddenly blurted out.

"Of what?" Sasha asked.

Rachel sighed, defeated, and sank down to sitting indian style on the deck. Kara and Sasha followed suit.

"Eventually, either we'll find Tom or he'll find us...and he'll find out. He could find out by anyone telling him...he could find out by seeing me...there are millions of possibilities. I run them through my head every day and each outcome has him being angry. Angry at me."

"I'm not going to lie to you Rachel, I've known Tom for a long time and yes he is going to be mad." Sasha said.

"But he's not going to be mad at you" Kara jumped in "he's going to be be angry at the situation. He's going to feel betrayed by Michener for lying to him."

"He's going to feel betrayed by all of us as well because we've known."

"But we can't find him!" Rachel retorted.

"And once he calms down he'll realize that, but preparing yourself for his anger is probably a good thing."

Rachel stood back up and headed towards the railing, the two women followed.

"What else is going on Rachel? I can tell that's not all." Sasha asked.

"I love him." Rachel said. Huge smiles spread onto Kara and Sasha's faces.

"Well, duh." Sasha replied amused.

Rachel turned to face her.

"Please Rachel, it's obvious that you love him." Sasha said

"And it's obvious that the captain was in love with you too." Kara replied.

The two women looked at Kara. One with confusion the other with questions.

"It started slowly. The things the captain would do. Everything on this ship was about keeping you safe. Yes, he used the excuse of you developing the cure...but eventually we could all see it had everything to do with...well you. He couldn't lose you.

"Just as you're scared right now, he was scared then. He had just lost his wife and he was already having incredibly strong feelings for another woman. Plus, the fraternization rules of the navy. I'm sure he didn't want to look like it was okay for him to break the rules that he had punished Danny and I for."

"What do I do? How do I...deal...loving a man who thinks I'm dead?" Rachel asked, tears spilling over.

Kara and Sasha didn't have an answer to that question. Glancing quickly at one another, the two women encircled Rachel into a hug, allowing her to cry for all that she had lost.

* * *

 _Tell them I was happy_

 _And my heart is broken_

 _All my scars are open_

 _Tell them what I hoped would be impossible,_

 _Impossible_

 _Impossible_

 _Impossible_

-Impossible by James Arthur

* * *

Rachel stood on the deck with the wind blowing her hair. She had just been informed by Kara that vulture team was on the RHIB on the way back to the ship. She wasn't sure if there were any injuries, Kara hadn't said, but whenever the team came back she was always present just to be on the safe side. She knows she does this because of Mike, Sasha and Danny. Mike and Sasha are two of her closest friends and she has seen Danny grow into an amazing Seal, father and husband.

She saw the RHIB approaching from the northeast. She stood back while waiting for the team to make their way up the ladder onto the deck. She waited patiently for the whole team to make their way up. From her vantage point, no one looked injured, but she wanted to make sure.

She made her way over to Mike, not paying attention to the man he was speaking to, whose back was turned to her.

"Captain" Rachel called over to Mike, "Is everyone okay?"

Mike saw Rachel and his face paled, which caused Rachel concern.

"Are you hurt?" Rachel yelled and quickly made her way over to him. She stopped only a few feet away when the man Mike was speaking to turned.

"Tom" she whispered. She brought her hand to her mouth in an attempt to cease the tears that threatened to fall.

"Rachel?" Tom cocked his head to Mike, who had a guilty look on his face. "Mike, what the hell is going on?"

"Tom...it's complicated."

Tom tried to keep his anger in check, "How the hell is it complicated. Rachel's supposed to be dead and instead she is standing five feet in front of me."

"Tom...it is complicated...and I'm so sorry." Rachel said. "I...hated that you had to be lied too...to keep me safe...it tore me up everyday. I tried to find you...but you were gone...you left no word...nothing."

"I mourned you Rachel." Tom said angrily. "Everyday. I blamed myself every..single..day.. I blamed myself for your death. You begged me not to let you die and I failed you. I failed Darien. I failed you. I failed my father. So...I left."

"Tom..I swear to you I tried to find you. I had the bloody FBI look for you. When that came up with nothing...I went to Mike...knowing he would be just as furious as you are...but I still did it. I took his anger so I could find you."

Tom turned to Mike, "How long have you known?"

"Rachel came to me in July, right after you resigned your commision and left."

Tom didn't know what to say. His emotions were swirling. Anger, hurt, betrayal, thankfulness. He began to walk away.

"Tom wait!" Rachel called after him, he stopped and turned.

"Make it quick Rachel."

Rachel took a step towards Tom and took a deep breath before speaking.

"Tex said to me the hardest thing about goodbyes is all the those things you didn't say..all the unresolved stuff..the feelings. He said you and I would get that chance to say what we need to say. But we didn't...and I regret that every day. I wrote a bloody note and you told me to find you. The note didn't even convey everything I needed it to say because I was scared. I think about it everyday. What if I hadn't been? What if I hadn't walked away. What if I had been able to find you like you told me too? Where would we be?"

Rachel put her head down and began to cry, sobs wracking her body. When she looked up at Tom, is heart clenched, he hated seeing her cry. She wasn't one to show her emotions often and he had only seen her cry a handful of times.

"I'm sorry." he heard he whisper. That's all it took. In two strides he had her in his arms. She molded to his body immediately, her arms going around his torso and her head on is chest. Sobs continued to convulse her body. His anger began to dissipate.

Tom and Rachel stood embraced for what seemed like hours but was only minutes. They only pulled apart when Mike came over to them.

"I want you and Rachel to head to my quarters and talk." MIke told the couple. He could tell Tom was about to argue with him and continued "Tom no arguments, you two need to talk. Don't make me order you."

Rachel and Tom said in unison, "I'm a civilian." Which caused Mike to burst out laughing, causing the other two to join in.

"Go talk." He ordered them. "I'll get an officers quarters set up for you...but for right now…"

Tom nodded and took Rachel's hand in his. He lead her back into the ship and up to the captain's quarters. Quarters that Rachel had been too many times when he was Captain of the Nathan James and many times visiting Mike.

When they got to the quarters, Rachel sat down on the bed. Tom pulled up a chair to sit across from her.

"I don't know where to start." Rachel muttered.

"Start at the beginning. Tell me everything that happened after you were shot."

* * *

AN: I wrote this chapter and then went back and rewrote it. It was tough to write both times. I think he would be thankful to see her but at first absolutely livid that he was lied too (as evidenced of episode 1 of the series when he discovers she lied to him for 4 months).

 **Playlist**

A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope watch?v=vYWDcmJPqkg

Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles watch?v=lerXJa1mjTA&t=21s

Start a Riot by Banners watch?v=3T5kqRWn_mU&t=21s

Distance by Christina Perri watch?v=_fG2TRvOTCY&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy&index=3

Forever and Always by Parachute

Never Stop (Wedding Version) by SaftySuit

The Mess I Made by Parachute

Holding On and Letting Go by Ross Copperman watch?v=-LHrrdScze0&t=25s

Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus watch?v=Ze8_P5DEVyM&index=7&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy

Shattered by Trading Yesterday watch?v=5aDTzTt0dY0&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy&index=5

Belong by Cary Brothers

Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars watch?v=i_dWzwlA0P4&index=2&list=RDDY9qBAs3mB8

Certain Things by James Arthur

The Devil Within by Digital Daggers

Little Do You Know by Alex & Sierra watch?v=PQYNZBUE-Qo&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy&index=30

Hold On by Chord Overstreet

Faded by Sara Farell

In My Viens by Andrew Belle watch?v=tInQifF6Mis&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy&index=19

I'd Come for You by Nickelback watch?v=CvCJSt1K614

Fix You by Coldplay watch?v=DY9qBAs3mB8

Somebody to Die For by Hurts watch?v=LGfla0QgShw&t=231s

Impossible by James Arthur

Losing Your Memory by Ryan Star

Bumper Cars by Alex & Sierra

I'll be Good by Jaymes Young

Pieces by Rob Thomas

Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars watch?v=NAJe-ac1QEM&list=RDDY9qBAs3mB8&index=4

Recovery by James Arthur

Unconditionally by Katy Perry watch?v=BKs0gyI8FVw&t=37s

Ships in the Night by Mat Kearney watch?v=zvuyp6hzn-A&index=15&list=PLAlNI0wIbOxRWYEKV6jiKEdLlpydOxUIy

Hurts like Hell by Fleurie


	3. Chapter 3

**Up in Smoke Chapter 3**

Disclaimer: Um let's see...nope still don't own anything except my ideas and original characters.

AN: please don't forget to review

* * *

 _But high up above or down below  
When you are too in love to let it show  
Oh but if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth  
Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you  
Tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
oh and tears come streaming down your face  
And I  
Tears streaming down your face  
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes  
oh and the tears streaming down your face  
And I_

-Fix You by Coldplay

* * *

"I remember being shot. The pain. I remember thinking over and over I don't want to die. I also remember thinking I need to get to Tom, he'll fix this. Somehow in my mind...you could...just fix it. I remember you showing up and how relieved I was. You were there and you were holding me.

"I remember telling you I didn't want to die." Rachel continued, tears leaking from her eyes, "you told me I wouldn't and that you had me. I...I believed you."

Rachel wiped her face, "I woke up in the hospital. There were guards at the door. The nurse ran out of the room and told them something. It was then a flurry of activity...doctors in an out of the room checking on me. Then Jeffrey shows up.

"He came in with his half dozen secret service agents. I...I just knew...I was going to get bad news...and the first thing I thought that the gunman came back and shot and killed you. I started to hyperventilate."

"Rachel." Tom whispered soothingly, he reached over and took her hand.

She wiped her face again before continuing, "I was so scared. All I could think is those passing seconds was Tom's gone..Tom's dead..I never told him...he'll never know..what do I do? I must have managed to get out your name because Jeffrey immediately told me that you were okay."

Rachel smiled through her tears, "I was so relieved. I was like let me see him...I need to see him. I was so angry when he refused and I didn't understand why he was refusing to get you.

"That's when I saw the other man, who Jeffrey introduced as the director of the FBI. I asked why the FBI was in my room and that's when he told me that I was dead. Needless to say I was like, hmm having this conversation obviously not dead….

"He explained that there had been a breach in security...they had a feeling it was internal as my acquittal and subsequent lack of a security detail had just occurred that day. Plus, how does a man get into a highly secure building full of secret service and navy personnel with a gun."

"It was an internal breach of security Rachel."

Rachel cocked her head, "what?"

"One of Jeffrey's aides. She was an immune. She got the cure to sway attention from her...she didn't want anyone to know she was immune. Curtis, the gunman, and she had been communicating. We found the records. She got him in and gave him the gun."

"Why?"

"There's no good reason why Rachel...they just wanted you dead."

Rachel moved further up the bed and leaned back against the bulkhead.

"I begged Jeffrey not to make me go into protective custody. Begged him...screamed at him...argued with him. It didn't matter what I said...he and the FBI weren't moved by my...feelings...they just...decided that telling the world I was dead was the best way to protect me."

"What did you tell them Rachel?"

Rachel took a deep breath and bit her lip, "At first I told them my work wasn't done...that everybody still needed me. When I saw that wasn't working, I started bringing up my personal feelings...I told them how much I cared about the crew and that we were like a family and I couldn't let you guys believe I was dead. They were completely unswayed. That's when I told them that I was…" she trailed off.

"That you were what?"

Rachel looked over to Tom and made eye contact, "that I was...that I am...in love with you."

When he didn't respond to her declaration after a few moments, Rachel got up from the bed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you that." She made to move past him when he abruptly stood and blocked her.

Tom placed his hands on her face "Don't ever apologize for telling someone how you feel."

"But you…"

"I love you too Rachel."

Tom leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips. They pulled apart when the need for air became to great. Tom pulled her into his arms, Rachel placed her head on his heart.

"What's going to happen now?" Rachel asked

"I'm not sure, but not matter what I'm not letting you go, ever."

Rachel smiled against his chest, "I'm not letting you go either."

* * *

 **Epilogue**

 **2 years and 6 months later**

Norfolk, Virginia

The Chandler household, more like backyard, had people everywhere for their Fourth of July BBQ. Tom, Mike and Danny were at the grills, Ashley and her friends were sitting at one of the picnic tables gabbing away while Sam and his friends were at one corner of the huge backyard playing football. The crew of the Nathan James were scattered throughout with their family.

Rachel stood on the deck and smiled at the chaos surrounding her.

Not two days after their talk and subsequent admission of love for one another, Tom proposed. His argument being they had already lost two years together and he refused to let them lose any more time. Rachel immediately said yes and they were married on the deck of the Nathan James the next day. Mike officiated after having gotten ordained online. Tom and Rachel swore to love, honor and protect each other until death (Mike made sure to add, real death and not fake, which caused the couple and the crew to laugh). Three days later, Tom reaffirmed his oath to the navy and Rachel became an officer's wife.

After finding the seeds and beating Vellek at his own game, the Nathan James picked up Ashley and Sam and returned to Norfolk. Tom was promoted to admiral, which he happily took as it meant he would be stateside.

Rachel was worried how Ashley and Sam would react to the news that not only was Rachel alive but she and their father had married. Ashley and Sam were troopers. While they still missed their mom, they wanted their father to be happy and Rachel made him happy.

Mike was also promoted to admiral. He and Sasha continued to date with her discovering she was pregnant in December 2017. The pregnancy was a surprise for both as it was unplanned. Mike, being the honorable man he is, immediately proposed marriage. Sasha, being the independent one, accepted but stated she didn't want to marry until after the baby was born as she didn't want her pregnancy to be the reason they married. Mike respected her wishes. Sasha gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Hank Thomas Slattery, in August 2018. The couple married two months later.

Kara had been promoted to commander and was given the Nathan James. Rachel couldn't have been more thrilled for her. As Frankie would be starting kindergarten in the fall, Danny decided he would retire from active duty and stay home. Danny loved spending time with Frankie. Kara and Danny spoke about having another child but decided they wanted to wait another year before trying to get pregnant.

Rachel was broken from her thoughts when she felt someone approach her.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She turned to see Sasha standing next to her holding Hank. She smiled at her friend and leaned over and gave her godson a kiss on the cheek.

"Just thinking about the last two and a half years and everything that has happened."

The women headed to the yard and over to their husbands. "It's been a good two and a half years."

"I has been. I'm so thankful."

When the women made it to the grill, Mike tossed the spatula down and took his son from Sasha's arms. Rachel loved seeing this side of her friend. He adored Hank. Mike and Sasha went over to a picnic table and sat down to spend some quiet time as a family, amidst the chaos of the backyard.

Tom laid his spatula down as well, leaving poor Danny to fend the grills on his own. He encircled his arms around Rachel.

"Have I told you today how much I love you?"

She smiled, "you have, but you can tell me again."

He leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"How are you doing?" Tom asked.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, "tired. But nothing I can't handle."

"You've been running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to get the party together, you need to rest Rachel."

"I'm pregnant Tom, not an invalid."

"I'm not saying you are but you could have the baby any day now."

"But not today."

Tom smiled at his stubborn wife. He lead her over to the table with Mike and Sasha and forced her to sit down and relax. The foursome chatted for awhile before Danny, Kara and other crew pulled up chairs, leaving the teenagers and children free reign of the backyard until the fireworks started. Rachel sat back and listened to the conversations around her.

When she first realized she was pregnant, she was worried. She knew Tom would be thrilled, she was worried how Ashley and Sam would take the news. Over the year and a half, Rachel had developed a very strong relationship with the children. She knew she would never be able to replace Darien, but she wanted the children to know that she loved them and that she would always be there for them. She was worried the kids would feel the new baby would replace them in her heart. The kids were thrilled when she and Tom told them. They assured her that they knew she loved them and that the baby wouldn't replace either of them.

A few hours later, as the fireworks started, Rachel looked over to Tom and grabbed his hand.

"Tom"

"Yeah?"

"So...my saying I wasn't going to have the baby today…" she trailed off

Tom, Mike and Sasha turned to Rachel. Tom jumped up and called Ashley and Sam over. He asked Ashley to run into the house to get Rachel's hospital bag. Rachel insisted that everyone stay and enjoy the food and the fireworks. Mike, Sasha, Danny and Kara said they'd stay with everyone and clean up afterwards. Sam asked if he could stay behind, which was okay with Tom. Ashley also asked if she could remain behind, but to call as soon as the baby was born as she wanted to be the first person to meet her new brother or sister.

Tom and Rachel made it to the hospital in record time. She was taken to a room quickly and hooked up to the monitors. As her contractions were only ten minutes apart, the waiting game had now started. Tom tried to make her as comfortable as possible until the anesthesiologist came to give her the epidural.

Hours later, Tom brought up a topic that had been a point of contention for many months. Baby names. Names that Tom liked, Rachel hated in vice versa.

"Rach, we really need to agree on a name. We can't have our child leave the hospital as baby girl Chandler or baby boy Chandler."

"Okay" Rachel agreed in the midst of a contraction.

Tom pulled out a paper from his wallet. He waited until the contraction subsided before speaking.

"For a boy's name we have managed to narrow it down to Oliver, Noah, Elijah, Jack and Jasper. For girls we've narrowed it down to Emily, Charlotte, Grace and Freya."

"I'm still partial to..." Rachel started and then trailed off. She gave Tom a look and then spoke, "Tom...get the doctor...I feel like I need to push...get the doctor."

Tom jumped up and ran out of the room and grabbed the nearest nurse who alerted Rachel's obstetrician. After an hour of pushing, Rachel gave birth. Tom went out to the waiting room where he knew Mike, Sasha, Danny and Kara would be waiting. He was surprised to see the room filled with Nathan James crew members, Sam and Ashley. Ashley and Sam decided they wanted to wait with everyone else at the hospital instead of staying home by themselves. Tom was thrilled to see his kids and immediately pulled them into hugs.

"Well" Ashley said when she was released from the hug.

"It's a girl. Seven pounds, six ounces, twenty and a half inches long."

Cheer erupted in the room and hugs began.

"Congratulations Tom." Mike said giving him a hug.

"Thanks, Mike."

"Can we meet her dad?" Sam asked.

"Of course, Rachel has been looking forward to seeing you guys."

Tom escorted Ashley and Sam to Rachel's room, he gave a gentle knock on the door to let Rachel know he was back.

"Ashley, Sam, come meet your sister."

"Oh my god...she's so tiny." Ashley said, happy tears coming down her face. Rachel looked at Sam, who was trying to a typical thirteen year old boy and not cry, but she could tell he was about to lose the battle.

"What's her name?" Sam asked.

Rachel looked at Tom and nodded. He came over and sat down next to Rachel on the bed and took the baby.

"Ashley and Sam, meet your sister Freya Emily Chandler."

The End

* * *

AN: This just seemed the a perfect ending. We know that everyone is happy and healthy and now the name of the baby. Thanks for reading.


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